If Abuse Ran in Your Family, the Holiday Season May Look & Feel Very Different, But…

If abuse ran in your family, and you’re now taking steps to heal, the holiday season may look and feel very different, but it doesn’t have to be joyless!

Maybe you were a victim of incest, and you’re no longer attending family gatherings.

Maybe you were in an abusive marriage, and you’re now divorced– maybe you lost your support network in the process.

Yet despite any discomfort you felt during the holidays compared to the peace you feel now, you may have still enjoyed the sense of togetherness, the laughter, the gift-giving, the meals– and you may be feeling an air of nostalgia for what once was, even after facing what lay below the surface.

This is normal, and it’s perfectly okay to acknowledge the good times you had. There’s no need to paint everything as painful if it’s not all that you experienced. Both can be true.

However, you now know that you can’t heal in those same spaces, around the very person or persons that harmed you, and the holidays look and feel totally different now. You might even be spending them solo for the first time in your life.

Yet even if you’re still grieving and processing, you can still make space for JOY!

This might not be the year you decorate a huge tree, or bake your heart out, or listen to Christmas songs– maybe it all feels forced, or you’re not sure if you even like all of the traditions you thought you did!

But try not to close yourself off to things you DO want and feel drawn to just because things are no longer the same.

Maybe this year it’s a premade dessert all to yourself. Maybe your tree is a few inches tall instead of a few feet. Maybe you skip your usual Christmas movies and go for a hike instead.

You now have a blank slate to create new memories and traditions in whatever way feels good for YOU, and they can change year to year as you and your circumstances change.

That’s called freedom, and it’s a beautiful thing!

– Malana