With God as My Witness
With God as my witness, I vow to do everything I possibly can to not let ANYONE or ANYTHING dim my glow ever again. I deserve to shine and so do you.
When I was a little girl, I was sexually abused by a person who was supposed to love me the most.
Growing up, I experienced and witnessed abuse of all kinds.
Carrying the weight of sexual, physical, emotional, and mental abuse molded me into someone who, despite being emotionally intelligent and having strong intuition, was very easy to gaslight and manipulate by those whose attention and affection I craved.
It taught me to settle for abuse in my romantic relationships, even in friendships and jobs, and it caused me to view life through rose-colored glasses– writing beautiful cards, taking cute photos, and creating love stories and happy memories that never truly existed.
That's what abuse does to a person.
Abuse, when unhealed, also prevents a person from doing, being, and achieving their very best. Fortunately, despite my wounds, I have always had the desire to want to help others and to be a force for good in this world.
That's why I've spent the past year and a half facing my trauma AND the choices I've made when I wasn’t at my best and doing the HARD WORK to heal from it all.
This has angered the abusers from my past. It wasn't convenient that I found a spiritual path that dredged up everything they'd hoped would remain buried while forcing them to take a long, hard look at themselves.
I've been stalked, bullied, harassed, and had lies and tall tales spread about me. I've even been accused of joining a cult, all in an attempt to hide their guilt and shame.
I must admit, though... I WAS in a cult.
The cult of family bullshit.
From the one I was born into to the one I married into. There’s a reason the term “generational chains” exists.
And now?
I’M FREE.
Free of every single abuser. Free of a one-sided marriage that led to betrayal. Free to begin anew. Free to shine.
With God as my witness, I vow to do everything I possibly can to not let anyone or anything dim my glow EVER again.
My story, my voice– it deserves to be heard, and I'm DONE living in fear.
This for my 6-year old self who was raped into silence.
And this is for every woman who needs to see another woman use her voice so she can finally feel brave enough to use her own.
– Malana
4/13/25
This post was originally published on my Instagram on August 4th, 2022- a turning point for me. The first time I'd ever publicly alluded to sexual abuse at the hands of my father. It was one of the most liberating days of my life.
Though, despite my best intentions, I would, in fact, go on to live in fear in certain aspects of my life. But you know what? I also kept going as best as I knew how to in each moment – never allowing myself to doubt what I knew to be true about my childhood – and using my voice would lead to receiving some of the biggest blessings of my life.
Then bit by bit, as time went on, my healing deepened and the fear began to wane. So don't worry if you ever feel you're regressing after sharing your story– there's so many layers to healing, and using your voice will ALWAYS be worth it.
