With God as My Witness
With God as my witness, I vow to do everything I possibly can to not let ANYONE or ANYTHING dim my glow ever again. I deserve to shine and so do you.
When I was a little girl, I was sexually abused by a person who was supposed to love me the most.
Growing up, I experienced and witnessed abuse of all kinds.
Carrying the weight of sexual, physical, emotional, and mental abuse molded me into someone who, despite being emotionally intelligent and having strong intuition, was very easy to gaslight and manipulate by those whose attention and affection I craved.
It taught me to settle for abuse in my romantic relationships, even in friendships and jobs, and it caused me to view life through rose-colored glasses– writing beautiful cards, taking cute photos, and creating love stories and happy memories that never truly existed.
That's what abuse does to a person.
Abuse, when unhealed, also prevents a person from doing, being, and achieving their very best. Fortunately, despite my wounds, I have always had the desire to want to help others and to be a force for good in this world.
That's why I've spent the past year and a half facing my trauma AND the choices I've made when I wasn’t at my best and doing the HARD WORK to heal from it all.
This has angered the abusers from my past. It wasn't convenient that I found a spiritual path that dredged up everything they'd hoped would remain buried while forcing them to take a long, hard look at themselves.
I've been stalked, bullied, harassed, and had lies and tall tales spread about me. I've even been accused of joining a cult, all in an attempt to hide their guilt and shame.
I must admit, though... I WAS in a cult.
The cult of family bullshit.
From the one I was born into to the one I married into. There’s a reason the term “generational chains” exists.
And now?
I’M FREE.
Free of every single abuser. Free of a one-sided marriage that led to betrayal. Free to begin anew. Free to shine.
With God as my witness, I vow to do everything I possibly can to not let anyone or anything dim my glow EVER again.
My story, my voice– it deserves to be heard, and I'm DONE living in fear.
This for my 6-year old self who was raped into silence.
And this is for every woman who needs to see another woman use her voice so she can finally feel brave enough to use her own.
– Malana
4/13/25
This post was originally published on my Instagram on August 4th, 2022- a turning point for me. The first time I'd ever publicly alluded to sexual abuse at the hands of my father. It was one of the most liberating days of my life.
Though, despite my best intentions, I would, in fact, go on to live in fear in certain aspects of my life. But you know what? I also kept going as best as I knew how to in each moment – never allowing myself to doubt what I knew to be true about my childhood – and using my voice would lead to receiving some of the biggest blessings of my life.
Then bit by bit, as time went on, my healing deepened and the fear began to wane. So don't worry if you ever feel you're regressing after sharing your story– there's so many layers to healing, and using your voice will ALWAYS be worth it.
The Greatest Love You’ll Ever Have
The greatest love you'll ever have is with the woman who greets you in the mirror.
Are you greeting her with a smile or a snarl?
Are you looking her in the eye? Or diverting your gaze?
Are you happy to see her? Or annoyed by her presence?
Do you compliment? Or criticize?
Are you grateful for how she’s always there, day in and day out, without fail
Or you have not yet realized she exists?
Think about it… every single day of your life, you have a built-in best friend who’s capable of loving you and providing you with anything and everything you could possibly need or want: amazing conversation, relaxing dinners, long walks…
And she always wants to do what you wanna do because… well… she’s YOU!
Is that not the coolest thing, ever!?
YOU are your greatest love.
Even if another amazing soul comes into your life who treats you with love, kindness, dignity, reverence, and respect, YOU can provide all of those things to yourself now.
And you MUST
When you love yourself, you won’t tolerate anything less from anyone else.
– Malana
(This post was originally published on my Instagram on July 22nd, 2022)
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It (Because It Does)
As an adult, it’s up to YOU to love yourself the way that you need to be loved.
No one else.
And often times, to love yourself – to become whole, and healthy, and happy, and full of LIFE, to even be ABLE to receive love from others (bonus love!) – is to let go of what harms you and to stop doing what hurts you.
No one else.
It’s up to YOU to avoid:
The shitty foods that wreck your gut…
The habits that waste your time…
The people who drain your energy…
The alcohol, the drugs, and the meds that harm your liver…
No one else.
It’s up to YOU to heal yourself– from your mind, to your body, to your spirit.
To heal yourself is to love yourself.
And what’s more life-giving than love?
And more life-taking than a life without it?
– Malana