I Know What It’s Like to Have Issues Using Your Voice

I know what it’s like to have issues using your voice.

For me, it goes back to when I was 10-years old, and I went selectively mute for a summer.

I had memories of trauma come up, and I had no idea who to process them with, no one to talk to, and I just pretty much shut down. My voice shut down.

And that pretty much impacted me for the rest of my life.

I remember I went to go try out for chorus one year thinking I could just sign up and that would be it– free to sing with a group, just blend right in, and have my voice drowned out.

Yet when I realized I’d have to sing something right there in front of a stranger, some teacher I didn’t know, so I could get a spot, I immediately froze, and was like “Never mind!” and ran out of the room.

And it was like that all throughout adulthood.

I’d feel embarrassed talking loudly around certain people. I had a hard time projecting. I’d even get made fun of with the way that I pronounced certain things, the way that I pronounced my S’s.

It started to get a little better when I was older– in fact, I really enjoyed giving college presentations in the front of the room. And if I was pissed off or defending something or someone, watch out!

Yet if I had to go sit around the kitchen table with family and speak up about what was going on with my life? I could come across as meek, I felt embarrassed and awkward, and I needed wine or weed to “turn it up.”

As I approached my 30’s, I started thinking about taking singing lessons– there was that urge again. And I’d watch videos of women who spoke professionally for a living. I began dreaming of speaking to people, sharing some kind of message– of what? I didn’t know. But I knew in my bones that I needed to find a way to EXPRESS MYSELF.

Then in 2020, I began speaking out about things going on in the world – in writing and out loud – and I experienced my voice literally getting stronger and more balanced.

Which led to turning INWARD and facing what was going in with ME.

As I worked to heal my physical body and feel stronger and healthier there, I was better able to start handling and healing the emotional side– the trauma I’d experienced.

It was all interconnected. Being stronger and healthier in mind, body, and spirit is when things REALLY began to shift with my voice.

That’s when I found my message– what I wanted and needed to express were the things that has been so hard for me to say as a child.

I found mediums and platforms to express myself on, and my whole world started changing for the better.

Using my voice is literally what landed me in Hawaii!

Opening the floodgates of my voice helped open doors to unexpected opportunities in my life.

And it will for you, too.

– Malana